


Someone Will Love You

by fancyachatup



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Apologies, Canon, Good Parent Maryse Lightwood, Happy Ending, Headcanon, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Love is a devil, M/M, Malec, Maryse Lightwood Apologizes, Rewrite, coda 2:08, maryse pov, mentioned the ledge scene, s2e8
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-07
Updated: 2017-06-07
Packaged: 2018-11-10 07:48:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11122899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fancyachatup/pseuds/fancyachatup
Summary: After seeing Alec on the ledge, Maryse realizes she needs to change.





	Someone Will Love You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [serendipitiness](https://archiveofourown.org/users/serendipitiness/gifts).
  * Inspired by [maybe he loves him, too](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10095488) by [serendipitiness](https://archiveofourown.org/users/serendipitiness/pseuds/serendipitiness). 



> I wrote this while listening to "Sorry" by Halsey and it really made the fic that much more emotional.

I watched the warlock, his tender eyes and careful touches, caring for Alec. My son, who was the victim of so much suffering. I stood there helpless, feet stuck to the ground as if it were cement as I watched the High Warlock of Brooklyn, Magnus Bane, aid Alec onto the velvety bed behind him. Ever so gently, the warlock ran his fingers through Alec's hair, chatting quietly between themselves. That was when the rest of my children, and the Fairchild girl, decided to leave. They said their goodbyes, and all of them, even Clary, wrapped Alec in a warm embrace. A portal then appeared, and I can only presume they went back to the Institute. 

After seeing that he was safe in the warlock's arms...in Magnus's arms, I fled. The shame and disgust I felt building inside of me was like no other. Knowing that my son felt so little of himself, of his accomplishments, had broken me. I locked eyes with Magnus from across the room, and with a snap of his fingers, a portal to the Institute was before me. I gave him a curt nod and stepped through, into my bedroom at the Institute. I paced around the bare room, before seating myself on the edge of the bed. 

I put my head in my hands. I was too hard on him, and I knew it. From the first time I ever raised my voice at him, I knew that my ability to nurture his sensitive soul was nonexistent. So I overcompensated with demands and commands and disapproval, even while I knew he looked to me for approval at every corner. I decided long ago that if I couldn't be successful in my nurturing him, I would be damned if I didn't make him the best soldier. 

But it seems that in my effort to make Alec invincible, I damaged him. 

My tears were unceasing, realizing with discomfort that perhaps Alec's negative thoughts were the result of his less than spectacular upbringing. My stomach churned, and as much as I wished it was not the case, I knew in my very being that the choices Robert and I had made concerning our children were detrimental, especially for our first born. Yet, inspite of this, all of them grew to be incredible adults. Jace, with his determination, both in battle and in his relationship with his siblings. Isabelle with her limitless love for her brothers, and how she stopped at nothing to show Alec her support. Something I had never done. And lastly, Alec. With his fierce, unflagging loyalty. Alec, who stopped at nothing to provide protection to those who needed it. Alec, who I had abandoned the minute I realized I would never be the mother he needed. Alec, or rather Alexander, the little boy who used to smile daily. A smile that was now exclusively reserved for a select few, and the burn in my chest grew as I noted that I was not one of them. 

My body trembled as I made my way to the Institute's portal. I stared it down, willing myself to be more composed. I stood there, hesitating, before stepping through to Magnus' loft. 

The scene before me was unlike anything I had ever witnessed. Magnus and Alec, both sat on the bed, in an intimate yet uncompromising position. Magnus had his back against the headboard, and in between his legs rested Alec. Magnus appeared to be protecting Alec, shielding him from anything that could cause harm to him. Their fingers were intertwined, and Alec rested his head back on Magnus' shoulder, eyes closed. 

Magnus was the first to notice me, his eyebrows raising in surprise before schooling his expression into a more neutral one. I took a step forward, wincing as my heels clicked on the floor, disturbing Alec from his peaceful position. Startled, he glanced around the room, becoming even more alarmed to see me standing here. 

"Mom," he said with a raspy voice, revealing that he had been crying, "I'm not coming back to the Institute. I know you don't like Magnus and-"

I raised my hand, effectively cutting him off. With as much sincerity as I could, I stared him straight in the eyes. 

"I am sorry Alec."

I watched both their faces, Magnus' one of bewilderment and slight awe, and Alec's, which was full of shock, pain, and a hint of hope. 

"I am so sorry that I didn't realize the damage I was doing." I stepped forward as the tears began to well up again. Taking a deep breath, I spoke again, determined to give Alec what he deserved; an apology. 

"I've been so blind with my prejudices and fears that I didn't realize what I was doing until it had already been done, until you were already gone. I didn't mean to leave you to your own devices with no one to turn to. I remember when Jace had first come to us, and how delighted you were."

I heard Alec's sharp intake of breath, and watched Magnus' facial expression shift into one of sympathy. 

I cleared my throat and subconsciously twisted the ring on my fingers as I continued. 

"At first I thought it was because there was finally a boy around your age to talk to and a friend to train with. And I was glad, grateful even, that there was someone else to care for you besides just Isabelle, because Raziel knows it wasn't me. But," I closed my eyes, breathing deeply "but soon I began to see that it was so much more than that. Jace was a comrade and confident and close friend, but it was apparent that you wanted more than that."

Alec made a noise of discomfort and opened his mouth as if he were to deny it, but quickly closed it again. I took that as a sign to continue. 

"At first I thought it was my fault and I blamed myself for not loving you enough, for leaving you feeling so abandoned that you turned to look for love in a man." 

I winced as I saw the shame on Alec's face.

"But I did nothing to stop it. I let you live a life where I knew your affections could never be returned. It was selfish of me, but in my mind it was better than an actual relationship forming where the Clave could see. I worried that eventually you would tire of an unrequited love and seek out another man, fearing that not only would you get hurt in the process, but also end up getting stripped of your marks. But my ignorance and fear is no excuse for failing to acknowledge your struggles, and for that I am sorry."

I wiped a tear and looked at my shaking hands, steadying myself. 

"Every birthday of yours I would sit, locked in my room. I cried for you, for your future, how you would turn out. And I kept thinking, 'someone will love him. Someone can undo the harm I've done.' So I never treated you any better. I have failed you Alec, my first born, whom I am supposed to love and protect with my entire being. And I am so sorry because I did not do that."

The sobs overtook me as I watched silent tears fall down Alec's face, his body shaking. 

"I didn't understand why you chose Magnus, not until tonight."

Magnus' eyes met mine, questioning my statement, and I nodded at him.

"Magnus Bane, I am sorry. For treating you the way I have, for hurting you, and your relationship with my son. All this time I've spent trying to separate the two of you, thinking that surely this relationship will bring nothing but pain for Alec, but tonight I realized just how wrong I was. Magnus, you are the person I prayed to Raziel for, the person that would put the pieces that I had broken, back together. You are the person, the man, that loves Alec with everything you have, and for that I am eternally grateful."

To my complete shock Magnus Bane began to cry before my eyes, and my heart broke at the sight of my son and his boyfriend, huddled together and crying for their past selves. I turned around, awkwardly waiting to see if they would ever wish to speak to me again, and worries consumed me. 

What if it was too late?

What if Alec no longer cared nor wanted my approval of his life?

What if I ruined it all before I even set foot into this apartment?

I was brought out of my thoughts by a tap on the shoulder. I whipped around to see both of them with small hesitant smiles. 

"Thank you, Maryse. It means everything to me." Magnus said, his eyes sincere as he briefly touched my arm. The warmth of his magic trailing over my skin, and for once, I was neither disgusted nor afraid of this man and his powers.

I turned back to face my son, my Alec who was fidgeting with nerves, stepping away from Magnus. 

"Mom, can I hug you?" Alec asked hoarsely, and with a tearful nod, I found myself wrapped in Alec's embrace. 

"I love you. I'm proud of you. I'm sorry."

I love you. 

I'm proud of you. 

I'm sorry

I'm so sorry.

**Author's Note:**

> if you liked this and wanna show your appreciation, [buy me a coffee](https://ko-fi.com/B0B6EDIJ)


End file.
